Responsible Conduct in Data Management
 
  Title: Discovering an Error Scenario
   

Characters: Ken Joslen, Study Staff Member
                      Jeffery Smith, Study Staff Member
                      Dr. Pauline Porter, Researcher
                      Jeffery's kid, about six

EXTERIOR, PICNIC TABLE NEAR CAMPUS PARK

The three researchers are talking shop on a weekend under guise of spending quality time with their children and significant others. A couple of kids play in the background. The remains of a picnic lunch litter the table.

KEN
So we're screwed? We're totally screwed!

JEFFERY
The St. Louis interviews weren't conducted like the Chicago interviews because the interviewers were hired late and didn't get the same training as Chicago interviewers..

KEN
Why were they hired late?

JEFFERY
The interviewers are mostly grad students at the medical school { Robert, references to actual institutions may be too controversial. Please change to a generic institution } . Their school year ends a week later than the UC's.

KEN
So we're screwed, right? The data aren't comparable because the questions were asked differently?

JEFFERY
They were asked the same questions, but not in the same way.

KEN
We're screwed. What are we gonna do?

KEN”S SIGNIFICANT OTHER
Would you like some more potato salad?

JEFFERY
We could throw out the data from St. Louis ,start over, and retrain.

PORTER
The St. Louis study subjects have been corrupted by exposure to the faulty interviews.

KEN
Can we substitute another city for St. Louis ?

JEFFERY
Not without a sponsoring institution in that city. The med. School is our sponsoring institution and the med. school is in St. Louis .

PORTER
Besides, there's the budget.

KEN
So we truncate the study, right? Proceed without St. Louis ?

(Ken receives a cooly objective gaze from his significant other, who's wondering if she should proceed without Ken.)

PORTER
That would mean to proceed without the med. School 's financial support. I don't think so.

JEFFERY
Besides, the training is still going on. Do we continue and let it go on as it is, or do we stop and retrain?

KEN
What do you suggest?

JEFFERY'S KID
Daddy! We want you to be the bear!

JEFFERY
Not now, Sweety. Daddy's busy. Can you play with some other animal, please?

JEFFERY”S KID
Oh.

JEFFERY
What do you think, Pauline?

PORTER
Well, it all depends on what sort of error the interviewers are making. Are they consistent?

KEN
Yeah, consistently wrong .

PORTER
But if they're all asking the questions wrong in the same way every time , we may be able to compensate for the difference.

JEFFERY
You mean fudge it?

PORTER
We might be able to establish to what degree the St. Louis way of asking questions affected the results. If the results were affected in the same way every time, we can adjust that data.

KEN
And Hans Solo can escape from the block of carbonite and rescue Princess Leila and the Wookie.

JEFFERY
Ken, have you got a better idea?

(Pause.)

KEN
We're screwed.

(Jeffery's kid plays ruefully alone.)